my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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