I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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