A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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