things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
