Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
