I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
