Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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