You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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