first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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