Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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