oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize