good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
