how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
