There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
