oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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