i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
