mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
