I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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