she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize