Yo dont text me then not text me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
