I want to have your abortion
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
