I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
