Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
