i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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