So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
