You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
