Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
