..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
