i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize