It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
