We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Are we still banned from the library?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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