Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
