I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
