Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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