I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
