I just pynch a tree in the face
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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