We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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