apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
