he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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