so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
