when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
