Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
