sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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