This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This is my gift to your gina
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
