wrigley field is MILF paradise
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
