Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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