i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
