dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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