Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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