I CAN MOONWALK!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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