My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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