So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
