Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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