i already hear my dad disowning me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
