Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
