I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
