If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
