if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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