Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
