And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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