my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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