is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
