it hurts more in the daytime
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
