im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
