Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
