State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
