He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
