Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
