He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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