Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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