Where is the hickey?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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