I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
