Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So many bounce houses so little time
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
