Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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