I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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