but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
