Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
