Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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