He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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