I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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