Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
