My Higher Power is John Stamos
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
