Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize