3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
