I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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